Read on Twitter
OK, here are some threads on tshuvah/repentance/return. Start here: https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/status/909480049690193920">https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/s...
Go here: https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/status/909471595432902656">https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/s...
Here& #39;s a chart (upthread) and my tweaks on it: https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/status/983478026183864321">https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/s...
Handy reminder: https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/status/1008815573655015424">https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/s...
Lil thread: https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/status/1021973888782266371">https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/s...
Nother thread: https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/status/1021630363557355520">https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/s...
American thread: https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/status/537109676673204224">https://twitter.com/TheRaDR/s...
If you read all those, you should have a pretty clear idea what tshuvah work involves. It involves a lot. Own the harm you did--ideally publicly. Do amends work if it& #39;s possible. Do MASSIVE inner work to change--more than can be accomplished in one month, but get going on it.
And apologize--not AT the person, but to them; put yourself in a space of vulnerable, empathetic listening as you offer your sincere regrets and apologies. Know that sometimes doing so might harm the victim further and navigate that sensitively--don& #39;t do more harm.
But most of the stuff that most of us do is not (hopefully) going to retraumatize someone. It& #39;s just uncomfortable and scary to own our mistakes, selfishness, lack of impulse, etc. Too bad. Enter the discomfort. But only after you& #39;ve started to do the work to become different.
And Maimonides says that if you apologize with no intention of choosing differently next time, you& #39;re like someone who enters a ritual bath (mikveh) with a creepy crawly critter in your hand--it doesn& #39;t do the thing. So don& #39;t. Have a plan in place for next time.
Remember that tshuvah work is one thing, forgiveness is something else. Nobody OWES you forgiveness. (I have a longer critique of Maimonides I& #39;ll write up someday on this. & there is space in both Maimonides and Shulchan Aruch for not-forgiving, I& #39;ll explore here at some point).
You did harm, you have to live with that. Engage that with humility. Use it as a chance to be transformed into a better person. Keep your eyes on your own blue book. Let the person you harmed have their own process, but don& #39;t look to them to fix it for you. Fix yourself.
We& #39;re all human. We have all strayed from who we need to be this year. We& #39;ve all hurt people this year. This is the season to own what of that you haven& #39;t yet. What& #39;s the work you need to do now?
If you& #39;re looking for a book on all this stuff, go straight to Rabbi Lew. This is your one-stop shopping for the season: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780316739085">https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780...
