I feel like I don't talk enough about how disability has destroyed my sex life and my confidence.

And whenever I talk about it I also remember how someone on here said I should want sex cause I'm disabled. Which I know is a constant thought in many minds. He just said it

People used slut shame me at my peak. When I trusted myself and my vagina.

So now it's a whole new game. I know the desire for me to keep quiet is even stronger.

Because how dare I want to have sex and haven't I fucked enough.
Answer is no I haven't

For years sex was the one thing I throughly enjoyed. I done tried everything at least once.

I've had people call me a liar when I told what I have and had done. It was one thing that I owned fully. It was mine

But now I don't know who I am sexually.. I know that it took me more than a year to deal with how disability changed how I viewed myself as a sexual being.

And I now don't trust myself cause I'm single and don't have anybody to walk with me through this

I grieve a lot. I grieve the loss of control. And sexuality. My being.

It was a big part of who I was. Now I feel like I have to find other things to replace my lost parts

Using lost for lack of a better word.

Before I was disabled I could be *THAT* bitch with my vagina. But now I feel like I'm not even fully woman. Cause the one thing I trusted is not even considered as a thing because I'm disabled.

People get upset and disgusted at the thought of women with disabilities wanting and having sex. Yet they feel men with disabilities are entitled to sex because its a right of some sort.

Women with disabilities are however expected to experience sex through violence.

Otherwise it's not valid. Because how do you stand there and want sex when you are disabled. But somebody can be sexually violent with you and you have to look at it Z a favour cause at least they put you to good use. It's bad enough that society has to put up with your broken

I often feel like I should call my exes and just have them go through my rediscovery of myself with me. Cause at least they have a point of reference.

I don't know if that makes sense. But then it would also mean exposing them to my new insecurities. And it's not fair

Anyway should it be that I never get to fuck again I must say I'm glad my 20s and early 30s were a great time god my revolving door vagina.

Dick was delightful

It's not even about full on sex sometimes. Just being held. Being seen with all my scars and insecurities and still wanted. Even if it's momentary.
But people don't see us outside of our mobility aids

And I honestly want an able bodied partner,. Somebody had to be able to wake up faster than me

I've only lived in this body since 2016. And I'm exhausted. I can't imagine what others have gone through

One of the worst things I've had to adjust to is how I can't drink coffee. And wine goes through me like the Nile.

So I imagine me going on a date and trying to explain that I can't sit and relax cause my bladder does its own thing.

I can't sleep through the night

So even if I were to look at meeting up with somebody I have to explain that I need to get up at least 5 times a night and they cant freak out.

And men are childish . And I'm mostly hetero. I think

http://Polymisfit.wordpress.com . About Mandela month. Since you are here

I've mentioned this before and because of a lot of feedback in my DMs I'm going to mention it again.

And tell me if I'm lying

White women living with disabilities are more likely to find companionship and even start families while living with their disabilities.

I know there are *exceptions however black people are very prejudiced against people with disabilities. Esp men

So black women can date men living with disabilities however black men are always encouraged to leave women who get sick or as in my case get disabled.

So it brings me to a strange conclusion and you guys can fight me on this but white people are more accepting of disabilities

I've mentioned before how black people are prejudiced against us without being prejudiced. A lot of it comes from the belief that disability is punishment esp when it can't be 'cured'

So I'm not surprised that women wuth disabilities are expected not to be sexual beings

It's agency. We lose so much of our identities because of preconceived notions, so of course wanting sex is considered taboo for us. Even when we are not disabled.

However when its violent and without consent then its peachy.

I've asked before how so many women with disabilities are thought not to have sex lives and yet there are pregnancies all over. And I don't like the answer everytime

So yes. I want and deserve sex, on my terms. Regardless of my disability. My legs might not be able to carry me but they open well (I've just checked) and that is the only thing that is required. To start with