Hey fam! I've only recently returned to Twitter & I feel a thread on my spirit. You ready? Inspired by the fact that I've just caught up on The Read's mailbag ep & I really appreciated the sermon at the end directed at N*cki M*naj and her fans

so let's talk about fame

I want to say up front that I at my big age, I don't to subtweets. HOWEVER. Much of this will apply to some people I know personally. If you feel that is you, I invite you to receive it. Or scroll on by. You are in control of what you take in and how you react.

...and that's pretty much my thesis statement; my hope for everyone. "Fame," however, can very rapidly have people thinking otherwise. Or pretending otherwise, to the detriment of themselves and errybody around them. and usually their creative output! So it's lose-lose-lose

you knooooow I'm gonna check myself 1st, so let me share some personal experience: I have *never* wanted, nor do I want now, to be famous

I *do,* however, love entertaining people more than life itself. To think that I can dance and sing and act and write words (!) that people pay money to see, hear, read, enjoy...my God, I'm so grateful

in this world, those professions are inextricably linked with fame

that fact, and my feelings about it, are things I don't usually discuss, lest I ever sound like I'm complaining because...see previous tweet lol

but the reality is that fame brings with it SO much to complain about!

which is why it's so important to keep a trusted circle around you, and strengthen those bonds in a direct relation to increasing visibility

yes, I switched to saying "increasing visibility" there

because these days, lots of ppl say "fame" when they mean
-high/increasing visibility
-visual recognizability
-success
-notoriety
-infamy
and a whole host of other things that don't all exactly mean the same thing

There's really only a handful of "famous" people in the world. The rest are recognizable and/or meaningful to a group of people who enjoy them for whatever reason(s), which only becomes truer as media becomes more and more splintered and wild-west-y

(pause: if you feel that the above is an insult or shade, I invite you to examine how you feel about fame )

If you do exemplary work in a field where fame and fame-adjacent qualities are attached, fame may come. But if you prioritize that fame over what you do to get/stay there, you've already lost.

There are sooooo many ways to have fame (& visibility, etc.) that make it not only *not* evil, but even a good thing! There are ppl who leverage it for good! Whose wildest dreams have come true! That is WONDERFUL

But few ppl get to use them as a blueprint because those stories are not publicized because they don't get hits for TMZ et al, so ppl see these destructive models and then are hit with the real-life challenges of "fame" and the cycle of awful continues

The monster feeds itself, and at the same time it is perfectly understandable and human to be swept away by sudden, large-scale adoration, money, perks, more accessible sex, alllll of it

I've had to really see how I've sabotaged myself at times, and turned away from opportunities I might have been able to make something good out of, because they reeked of "fame" and I ran away instead of trying

Because my experience is rooted in the pain of always being the lead in the school play (so much attention! so much applause!) but having to get a ride home from the parents of the kid who played the background tree b/c *their* parents loved them enough to attend

So, from a very early age, empty attention from ppl I don't have a close connection with felt like an insult. Mockery. "All these ppl whose names you'll never know just loooooove you but they don't even know you. Yet ppl who know you and are supposed to love you don't."

And then came my teen years. In high school, I had teachers who ran an entertainment company. They were under contract with a major studio and handled their NYC movie premieres

(I've talked about a bit of this before, so it may be repetitive for my day ones. But I've never dug into it, because it's very real for me. Also because I may invoke some celeb names& ppl get weird about fame AS IS THE POINT lol but I'm at the gym in the middle of the day so...)

We were aware of their business, so it wasn't strange that they had a long list of celeb names spread out one day as I was leaving, having stayed late to work on something

They were organizing a guest list/seating chart for a premiere. This was in the olden days before everyone had Google in their hands and you could order a step-and-repeat online, so event guest lists & red carpets mattered more and were hardcopy

...literally black-and-white printed pictures of people with their names, position in relation to the event, relevant friends/contacts, and any other notes ("will be in sunglasses at night," "Diet Coke only," etc) on a clipboard

They (a lovely married couple, middle-aged and white) looked FLUMMOXED as they read through this list...I overheard them:
"Sticky Fingaahhs? Is that the person's name or a group???"
"Puff Daddy?"

needless to say, I was intrigued

I politely said I thought I knew who they were talking about, and asked if I could help. After a few minutes of me telling them a few pertinent facts about a lot of rappers, (it was a Spike Lee movie premiere lol), they gave me a long look

They said "Go home. Put on your best dress and meet us at this address..."
And a few hours later, I, a teen, was on the red carpet as VIP liason

Talent/filmmaking team usually had a manager & publicist, one or both of whom might have been present. My teachers/bosses ran the overall event, meaning caterers, overall security, limo flow, music, theater seating, etc.

And, fame being the beast that she is, not all of the above have the same interests at heart. For example, your personal publicist doesn't have the same motives as the publicist for the movie/studio/network you're at an event to represent

This leads to a constant negotiation between errrrrrybody involved, which, if you're not careful and *not in charge of how you feel about yourself at all times,* can feel like a constant appraisal of your worth

My job was basically to recognize people and help guide them to their appropriate seat/handler/next level of publicity.

Like, if the stars of the movie are getting tons of attention (as they should at their own premiere!), but the (older white) people in charge didn't recognize a rapper there without a personal publicist who deserved their roses for that dope song on the soundtrack, I grabbed them

And because some ppl don't like the spotlight AND THAT IS PERFECTLY FINE, I sometimes assisted in getting people *away* from fans/publicity when asked

Not everyone, even at what you'd think of as high levels of "fame," travels with personal security/a publicist/a driver, so a tall woman who is never starstruck and very outgoing could easily step in and whisk someone away when asked and I am her

(I just used the words "when asked" twice in a row. That is important. Fame gets ppl fucked up because there are so many assumptions made on both sides. Please do everything you can to discard those and treat people as people, starting with yourself if you're experiencing it)

And yes, I was a teenager, but I was already 6' tall and dressed to the nines because I could work a thrift shop and I could sew. And I was always wearing a headset. So, authority! And I always treated everyone like a human

That's why, when I was part of a team assembled to help Brad Pitt make a swift and covert exit during "Meet Joe Black," I didn't think HOLY SHIT I'M NEXT TO BRAD PITT OMGGGGGGG

I thought, "My God. This man is at the height of his career and rich and famous and watching himself in a basura film that cost millions, he got millions for, and that another six figures are being spent to celebrate tonight. He's so unhappy rn, and he has a right to be"

I couldn't have imagined being in that situation, but my heart hurt for him even as his own face was being projected seemingly a mile high on the screen behind us, and I played my small part in the team that got him out when all eyes were on him

Increased success, visibility, money, access...fame, etc. puts ppl in all kinds of scenarios most ppl could never imagine. And it is incumbent on the person in it to find a way to remain grounded and communicate what they need to do so

People will talk to you like they know you, hurl insults, profess their love, and everything in between. We know that on the extreme end, unhinged fans have killed their beloveds, and "fame" has killed some truly talented ppl. So I don't say any of this lightly.

But see, it can't ever really be the "fame." You are always the one in control of your own life. If it does not feel that way to you (due to fame or anything else tbh) please reach out to a trusted source. You can steer it back!

It may seem impossible when you're in the thick of it. And "the thick of it" can sneak up on you! Especially these days. It may not be aa pronounced as Mr. Pitt at the Meet Joe Black premiere. Enough mean tweets at the wrong moment can have a huge effect

It's natural to want to lash out. It's natural to want to shut down. It's natural to want to self-medicate. Please reach out to a trusted someone instead

And if you have rising fame but not at least one "trusted someone," well, baby you gotta make a change

Fame alone can't make anyone a bad person or ruin your life. It can only make public the fact that you were always gonna go downhill; and you are the only one who can truly turn the ship of you around

It seemed that sitting thru that movie was crushing Mr. Pitt that night. So he left. Was it a big risk to leave? Yes. Did it require getting help from a group? Yes.

But it also seemed worth it later that night when he was quietly ushered into the party to at least enjoy his close circle and have the expensive food and drinks. His evening could've gone a whole 'nother way but he/his trusted someones got him out of that theater

I ended up working premieres for years. I've seen some amazing and heartbreaking things on those red carpets, and afterward

I often sat in homeroom bleary-eyed from a star-studded afterparty

And even as I started to act professionally myself at a relatively early age, my education on the business itself began on those carpets

At major media events, the publicist is essentially "selling" the talent

You don't see that part on camera

I watched ppl who were at their 1st movie premiere, with a legit role in the movie, be shunned because they're not a celeb

The publicist would walk in front of them carrying a sign with their name on it, and the press ppl would literally say "no" or wave them along like in the Friday meme.

The talent had to just smile thru it

Or the press would say "we'll roll but we probably can't use you" and the light & camera would immediately cut on and that person would beam and say how happy they are to be there

After being told that

Do you know how grounded you have to be to handle that, walk a foot down the carpet, and do it again??

Cut to a few years later and I was on the carpet as talent. I encountered some of the NY paps I knew from back in the day, and I'd smile, but mostly avoid carpets because I knew the game and wasn't interested

When I made my Broadway debut, I signed a lot of autographs simply by virtue of being a lead and having Sharpies thrust at me at the stage door. I'd walk a few blocks away, put on a baseball cap, and take the subway home in complete anonymity

I've watched a lot of friends struggle with that stark contrast as experienced within a few minutes. And I've known many who get car services written into their contracts so they never have to experience the latter

I've also known folks who have drivers written into contracts because they realistically *can't* take the subway without enough ppl approaching them as to be a disturbance

I also know ppl who realistically shouldn't take the subway due to being mobbed but will, and then complain about being mobbed

Because they really enjoy the fame part of what they do, and for some reason can't just be real about it

You gotta know who you are as a person and uplift that at every turn if you're gonna be in the public eye at all

*Sophia Petrillo voice*
Picture it: Chicago, 2006
The movie "The Break-Up," being set in and very lovingly showing Chicago, had a premiere there in addition to the coastal elites

The company I used to work for was planning it. I was in Chicago doing Spamalot at the time, and I was still very close to my former teachers, so of course I was invited

Most of the movie's VIPs had apparently flown together, and their plane was irrevocably delayed. Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn had flown together...separately from the rest of the folk

So when it came time for the red carpet, the only "stars" in attendance were Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn, and...uh...well...we have the current Lady of the Lake in Spamalot here...Pia Glenn come on down!

And that's how I essentially became their third "celeb" for that night. Because as disinterested as media is in non/sorta-celebs when a bigger star is around, they are even less interested in leaving an event with little/nothing to show for it

Also I don't mind telling you I was in a cute lil' outfit of summer whites hunty

That's another lil' corner of fame: if u look extreme enough in one direction or another/cause a ruckus on the carpet, u get coverage. See: Joy Villa, Bai Ling, etc.

I got the FULL A-list treatment that night. And I had a BFF as my date, so we just keekeed all through it and it's a great memory.

Imagine if I didn't know how carpets work and let that go to my head

Another lesson from that night: I was also able to appear A-listy because Ms. Aniston & Mr. Vaughn had yet to really be publicly out as a couple a lot, so even their legit A-list camera time was stifled by their behavior, remaining kinda toned down

There was an afterparty, and then an after-afterparty, and then a few of us were ushered into SUVs, for the after after after

Another fun fact about fame is that so many ppl are faking the funk that they assume everyone else is too

Remember, a theif thinks everyone steals.

So the thirsty, who put fame above humanity, will latch on to others who they perceive to have fame, even though they have noooooo idea who they are

Which is just so sad to witness

So that night, I was deemed to be in the closest of little circles with Jen n'em

The SUVs all arrived and parked at what looked like a completely closed restaurant on a totally dark block. We waited for a few mins until one door opened and we were all ushered in

Lights and music were turned on, pizzas were ordered, drinks were served...I was in the payoff for them of the earlier red carpet awkwardness

Ms. Aniston kicked off her shoes and they canoodled (lol) and as far as I know, not a single picture exists of that party

Obviously, it's harder to escape cameras today. But still not impossible. This stuff is complicated, but manageable. For every celeb picture you see, there are a ton of celebs just living their lives. There is a way

Maybe it requires a crew of ppl to orchestrate a private party

Maybe it's having a safe word and escape plan with your bestie so you can go to the movies without having to answer a bunch of questions because your podcast blew up

Maybe it's hiring that security or paying your brolic cousin to act as such when u go out.

Maybe it's practicing or taking lessons (these exist!) in avoiding fans gracefully when it feels like too much

Maybe it's logging off or asking your Trusted Someone to change your passwords until you're in a better mental space

What I find is that ppl are often so (legitimately) shaken by the unique challenges of increased visibility that their (understandable and human) shortcomings run wild, with ever-decreasing consequences

So it's even more important to know yourself and do what you need to do to live your best life. Fame can't stop that without your participation and encouragement

The realities of having less time? Absolutely. But u can find time to at least say so to your true ppls and find workarounds or ask for help in doing so if you can't manage it

Or be prepared to lose them, in which case you don't get to play victim

By the same token, there will be ppl, even very close ones, who take advantage. Be alert, be aware, and if/when the heartbreaking moment of cutting someone off from contact/$$ comes, know that it is possible and you will heal

I have

And I posit none of this as easy. Just necessary. And I'm still figuring out my part for myself.

In my life I've been just out of frame of a helluva lot of fame, I've personally been chased by paparazzi, (actual running), and I was even next to Brittney Spears on one of her infamous Rite Aid runs
(Google Britney/Sam Lutfi/Rite-Aid)

That version of it is hell.

On the other hand, I'm currently featured in Glamour magazine next to some fantastic women, talking on a huge platform about how hard I ride for black women in media! Yay!

More of that yes please universe

And now, when a viral tweet can mean some iteration of fame, please keep finding out exactly who you are and what u need to live your best life.

That goes for the stan-doms too, to bring it back to what The Read was saying 5 years ago when I started this thread

What part do you play when your fave is having a social media meltdown or attacking journalists?

Idk, just some stuff I wanted to say. Thanks for hanging with me, workout done! (It was an "everything" day lol)

Obvy I could go on and on about this topic and maybe I will in that book I'm resisting writing