Of all the Caped Crusader films, Batman Forever doesn’t get the respect it deserves. Welcome to my Ted Talk.

The first lines of dialogue are an exchange about Batman’s nighttime snacking habits & frankly, I’m here for it.

“Could I persuade you to take a sandwich with you sir?”

H.R Giger’s approach was to put dicks on everything & Joel Schumacher was like ‘nah m8, too subtle - let’s just have actual dicks’

My sexuality is Nicole Kidman in Batman Forever, don’t @ me

I enjoy how Comissioner Gordon & Batman are, like, seriously trying to negotiate a hostage crisis & Chase Meridan is all ‘I’m just gonna jerk you off with my eyes instead’. Powerful.

Maybe it’s cos I’m sixties Batman trash & I was predispositioned to have an enduring love of Batman Forever, but it’s fun af. I’d take this over Burton’s 1989 Batman any day.

Debi Mazar’s eyebrows in Batman Forever were really ahead of their time.

Holy shit, I forgot about the bank hostage extra I thought he was doing entirely too much... until Tommy Lee Jones out-Under Sieged himself a few minutes later

Forgot they call him “Harvey Two Face” Man, that’s so fucking stupid. Also I guess Harvey Dent is white now??? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

I unironically love the art direction in Batman Forever. It’s an acid trip splattered across a sound stage and - like The Phantom & other superhero movies of the time - I enjoy being able to recognise they’re sets, if you will.

So many questions about Two Face’s henchmen. Do they have to have snakebite piercings *before* they join the gang? Is that a condition of entry? Or is it part of the gang initiation like the inevitable Prince Albert piercings you KNOW they all have?

Val Kilmer is at peak fuckability in Batman Forever.

He even looks good in that garment foreskin known as a turtleneck.

Re: that thing I said earlier about the production design & art direction, there’s also so much detail & effort that goes into the hair & make-up of extras in every big set piece. There’s sometimes 100+ & they all have gorgeously crafted, unique looks

Don’t be sliding into my mentions with “SPOILERS! CRY FACE/ANGRY FACE EMOJI!” for a Batman movie that came out in NINETEEN-FUCKING-FIVE

Edward Nygma’s brainwave beer hat is full of bath salts just FYI

I respect Nicole Kidman’s Chase Meridian using the Bat signal to directly try and get some Bat dick. A modern woman for modern times.

Batman Forever did it first

The hero Gotham REALLY deserves is Debi Mazar’s boobs, for enduring this agony throughout Batman Forever.

Jim Carey’s Edward Nygma is better than his Riddler. He makes a choice to play the scene where he has just staged his boss’s suicide like a widow whose third husband has died mysteriously. It’s soap drama spectacular.

The death of The Flying Graysons still fucks me up as an adult. Thought it was a heartbreaking depiction of their courageous end & Robin’s beginning. It told you so much about that family dynamic in under 5mins, you really felt that loss with Dick.

Also really appreciate the symmetry between the way Batman and Robin’s parents deaths are staged

The Batmobile in Batman Forever is **supposed** to look like a black, ribbed dildo. That’s the only logical explanation.

Yes Alfred, “Master Dick” is what I too call Chris O’Donnell *grunts appreciatively*

I ADORE how so many female extras in Batman Forever have hair like they just walked off a Missy Elliott video

I want Chris O’Donnell to treat me as roughly as he does his laundry

Congratulations to Drew Barrymore & Debi Mazar for carrying the weight of so much 90s body glitter on their slender, sparky shoulders in Batman Forever.

For all the shit The Dark Knight’s Two Face/Harvey Dent facial effect gets, at least it didn’t have fucking NEON PINK CONTOUR like this Tommy Lee Jones madness

I swear I like this movie, you guys

The sets in Batman Forever are the definition of extra.

And the Two Face costume looks like the result of going to Spotlight on a cocaine bender. Plus Janelle Monae did it better.

The thirst of Chase Meridian telling Batman to meet at her place at midnight while waiting for him completely naked in bed ... aspirational.

Look at Dick Grayson, always doing THE MOST & swinging off Bruce Wayne’s chandeliers & shit. Like, sir, you are a guest ffs.

But Robin being a disrespectful visitor does give us this perfect moment so

In terms of cinematic versions of Dick Grayson, they really nailed the casting of buttocks

OG Rita Skeeter right here

*chef’s kiss*

Bruce Wayne does a Rorschach test & sees a bat & there’s a line from the baddies about how the real Batman would have “bats on the brain” then they use NygmaTech to look inside Bruce’s head & he LITERALLY has bats on the brain.

It’s a metaphor for how they’re hitting the audience in the brain with a bat.

“What have you got back there?” Robin asks.

“Master Wayne’s dead wives,” Alfred replies, straight-face. Y’all, I think he was an OG murderino.

Forever tickled by the smile pulled at the end here after Chase Meridian turns down Batman cos she has fallen for Bruce Wayne

M ~ O ~ O ~ D

When the dress code says ‘daytime casual’ but you & your bestie roll in like -

Drew Barrymore’s character in Batman Forever just goes wherever her vagina leads & I respect that.

I have been watching this movie for 26 years.

YOUSE GUYS, HOW HAVE I ONLY JUST REALISED THAT JUSTIN THEROUX’S ENTIRE AESTHETIC IS BASED OFF DICK GRAYSON IN BATMAN FOREVER

"Holey rusted metal, Batman!"
"What"?
"The ground. It's all metal. It's full of holes. You know, holey."

Shut up, this line is super cute. Adam West winks all the way.

Still a look.

Nothing sums up Batman Forever better than this

#NeverForget