I just got on a plane and I was mysteriously upgraded to first class?? I am an interloper in the land of large seats and no one here seems suspicious of my presence

In first class, if I sit back in my seat (which is the size of my entire apartment) and stretch my arms out all the way, I can't reach the seat in front of me. Is this how wealthy people fly ALL THE TIME

Pictured: a free water bottle to quench my thirst in case I'm parched from the effort of spreading my elbows across both of my armrests with impunity

Someone told me there are additional free beverages in first class? Is that true?? HOW MUCH CAN I FILL MY BLADDER BEFORE THEY REALIZE THEIR MISTAKE

There are twelve people in first class on this plane and we have OUR OWN BATHROOM. Is there a butler in the bathroom? A bidet? I will report back faithfully once they unhook the velvet rope and let us in

I could do yoga in the space between myself and the seat in front of me. If the coach passengers rebel and eat me along with the other first class passengers I will not blame them, even though I am CLEARLY here due to a massive oversight

I am so excited to hear the safety presentation where I find out that first class gets deluxe oxygen and rafts with motors attached

A GLASS? ON AN AIRPLANE?? AM I A ROBBER BARON, WHAT IS HAPPENING https://twitter.com/pdxmaggie/status/1012821956733923329?s=19

I know I'm an absolute first-class accident but: Will they let me fly the plane if I ask nicely and point out that I am fancy, y/n

Liftoff, twitter. I have a twelfth of a bathroom, unlimited access to beverages, and more elbow room than shame. Time to experience SKY LUXURY in this thrice-damned flying machine

Updates from the Sky Palace: they gave me a MENU and a WINE LIST??? And a hot towel that smelled like lemons and capitalist excess

The flight attendant, who somehow KNEW MY NAME, brought me wine and
(I'm sorry)
Warm nuts

The airplane wifi cant handle uploading the photo but rest assured I will never eat my cashews at room fucking temperature again

I just ate a steak goddamn salad with real silverware

I'm in the SKY and they handed me a KNIFE to cut my STEAK, THIS IS FUCKING WILD, RICH PEOPLE GET SKYKNIVES

I'm sorry but someone near me just said the word "dessert" and I am about to have a stress-induced nosebleed. I'm in a cloudbound suffer-tube but because I'm close to the pilot I am going to get DESSERT

SWEET HOPSCOTCHIN CHRIST, the flight attendant just REFILLED MY WINE and called me LOVE

I know she is being nice to me because I'm in the fancy chair but also, I would die on a battlefield for her

Flight attendant just brought me some extremely fucking fancy chocolate and then apologized for getting into my seatmates "personal space"

On this side of the mesh curtain, reader, there is PERSONAL SPACE

Also I would like it registered that I got to pee immediately after the pilot. The flight attendant wouldn't let me out of my seat until the pilot was finished peeing but still

We are landing and my time among the Fancy People is almost over. I can no longer live among them. Godspeed, ye knife-wielding dukes of the Wright brethren.

EPILOGUE

AS I GOT OFF THE PLANE A FLIGHT ATTENDANT SNUCK ME AN EXTRA CHOCOLATE

IT'S ALL DOWNFUCKINGHILL FROM HERE