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Nimewai dhani dem ana enjoy world class strokes zangu kumbe ana faint katikati ya mechi nikikaribia climax. THREAD.
Kuna time nimewai alikwa house warming party ya dem flani hapo nilikuwa nimemjua for a while, but kufika venue nikapata the other invited guest walikuwa me, myself and I… yaani nlikua solo!
Dem akadai most of mabeshte zake walikuwa committed kwingine but walidai wata make it up to her so alikuwa ame cancel bash but akasahau kuniambia… Selective amnesia tunaelewa!
Anyway, hata wahenga walidai kiendacho kwa mganga hakirudi, dem alikuwa mganga coz kuna venye alikuwa ameniroga… so nikaona nikae kae kiasi nikipima weather ndio niende!
Mtoto alikuwa amekula rangi kama viatu zimepakwa Kiwi, black beauty lakini, ni Yule akipita sai, two minutes later bado kinyambis yake iko kwa line of vision coz imebaki nyuma kama boot ya Toyota NZE!
Convo ilikuwa weird coz nilimjua through beshte ya beshte yangu, in short, ni ile kujuana unajua mtu, mwenye anajua mtu, mwenye anajua mtu mwingine so inabaki mumejuana tu… connections my frends!
Alafu hatujawai interact more than twenty minutes, leo ndio ilikuwa first time but mostly tulikuwa tunasaidiwa na TV ku build conversation… dem akapika chai akaleta na cookies tukipiga story!
Kumuangalia akikula hizo snacks ilikuwa ka kuangalia snack moja ikikula snack ingine, mtoto alikuwa na dimples aki smile unaeza ficha ndani siri… nyonyo zilikuwa small and humble, huwezi pewa kila kitu!
Mansion yenyewe si ati huyo dem alikuwa amehamia hapo recently, alihamia kitambo but alikuwa amedai kufanya bash coz watu hufanya bash na yeye hakuwa amefanya… maisha ya ku copy paste!
So mans nilikuwa na plan vile ntajikata after chai coz kama hakuna bash sikuwa naona biz ya kuwa hapo, ilikuwa kitu 4:30 hapo… mtu akagonga mlango, ilikuwa caretaker wa hiyo ploti!
Si dem akatoka nje, ni kama kulikuwa na issue coz walikuwa wame gather hapo nje wengi, nikaona movie ikaisha, nikaona ingine ikafika katikati… huyo dem akanitext nisiboeke anakam, ako meeting!
So mans ikafika point butt cheeks zimechoka kukalia hiyo couch ya high density ikabidi ni feel at home niweke mguu juu ya ingine kama mwenye nyumba, akarudi hapo around 6:50 bana.
Akadai “Sorry, tumekuwa na brief meeting…” blah blah sitaki kusikia. Akadai if I don’t mind ananialika supper to make it up to me… mwenye alidai “the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach” hakukosea!
Si akaamua kupika supper ya watu wawili, but gas ikaishia njiani… hakuwa na stove, ilikuwa usiku so obvious mahali unaeza buy gas wamefunga so ikabidi tumewasha jiko.
Mtoto wa mtu alikuwa na bidii, imagine jiko inawasha jiko ingine, ndio jiko moja ipike ikitumia jiko ingine… Mshanipata? Yaani wife material alikuwa anawasha jiko!!!
Jiko kuwaka tukaseti ndani then mapishi yakaanza, ilikuwa nyama kwa menu so ni mate tu nilikuwa nameza juu ya tamaa, kwa tumbo minyoo zilikuwa zinacheza ODI dance juu ya njaa na expectations!
After nyama kuivaa nika offer kupika ugali like the gentleman I am, dem alikuwa zile za “Aaaaww you’re so sweet” kumbe aim yangu ni kupika ugali mob ndio supper isikuwe kama appetizer.
By the time tunamalizana supper ilikuwa late, kuwasha jiko na kupika nyama hadi ikuwe soft design hadi kibogoyo anaeza kula ilikuwa imechukuwa time yote, ilikuwa 9:40 already!
Na according to the constitution ukipatikana kwa wenyewe beyond 9:30 unafaa kulala huko, haina haja utembee kwa giza upigwe ngeta na unaeza lala mahali giza imekupata upigane ngeta ya mapenzi… nvm!
Akauliza “Si ni late, utaenda na hii giza?” nikajua hiyo ni invite ya sleep over, akadai naeza crush over, kuna kiti, kuna extra room, kuna room yake, chaguo ni langu… obvious mnajua mahali nilichagua… kiti!
Nani hawezi chagua kulalia kiti? mahali TV iko, mahali fridge iko, mahali mlango iko incase of emergency, but akadai siwezi lalia kiti kwa nyumba yake, that would be rude… reverse psychology ile!
Njaro ilikuwa ku chose the most uncomfortable sleeping venue ndio nionewe huruma ni upgrade hadi master bedroom kwa mwenye nyumba, hata Bible inasema Humbel yourself and you shall be uplifted.
Si tuka migrate kama wilderbeasts kutoka sitting room hadi bedroom, na huko nikishaingia “Wanajua ni mazishiiiii”
Then badala ya kuwasha candles kukuwe na romantic lighting akaleta jiko bedroom juu kulikuwa na baridi, so bedroom kulikuwa na jiko mbili, ile ya kuota na ile ya kuoa…
Mwenye nyumba akachukua ma positions kwa ukuta, mimi nikachukua position kando yake kama chumvi na pilipili kwa chopping board ya mutura.
Shida ya kulala mbali na ukuta ni, wewe ndio unafaa uende kuzima taa alafu uanze ku guess mahali kitanda iko tena… bedroom ikageuka Egypt vile kulikuwa na Giza.
Dem akageuka kulala akini face, breath yake warm ilikuwa inaleta mixed feelings, hakuna suspense ka uko bed na dem, kuna giza, na haujui utaanza aje kuomba conjugal rights!
But kwa hii life kila kitu ni kujaribu, nikasonga karibu then nikaweka mkono kwa kiuno just to see the reaction, dem aka respond na kusonga karibu kabisa and before I know it nilikuwa napewa mate!
Ilikuwa mouth to mouth kama victim wa ku drown, mwili yake ikageuka Wakanda coz her blek penty got stripped ewey… ilikuwa touch me I touch you, do me I do you, tiki taka kama mechi ya Barcelona!
Foreplay ilikuwa brief kama habari kwa ufupi then tukaenda kwa main agenda, kupiga mechi… alafu kama Sauti Sol, njaro ilikuwa ku make it short and sweet, hapo alipo akiniguza na feel thithi…!
Ikus ilikuwa tight kama budget ya bedsitter, ilikuwa ni lazima ni lubricate mjuols na Vaseline ndio ni slide to unlock kama simu ya touch screen yenye hujaweka pattern ama password!
Shida ni vile alikuwa anasonga songa, so ikabidi nimem’pin kama pinned tweet ndio aache kusonga songa, Submission maneuver inabidi ama mtasumbuana ukose kucheza mechi vile inafaa.
Dem akaacha ku moan akaanza kurusha rusha miguu, nikajua hapa nimepeana world class strokes yenye hajawai pewa… afterall kila nyani na starehe yake, wengine waki moan huyu maybe hurusha miguu!
Kidogo kidogo akageuka Omo multi purpose soap vile alianza kutoa povu kwa mdomo, raiya nikajua iko shida… ndio nilikuwa nimekaribia climax but kuona povu mjuols ika lose interest
Mans nikadondoka juu ya dem mbio mbio, hapo ndio dem akaanza kujitupa tupa kama samaki imetolewa kwa maji… mans nikaanza kutetemeka sasa!
Nikaanza kuona news headlines zinaeza tokea kesho yake huyo dem akinyuria, KTN wanaeza kukuanika na “Mapenzi yageuka Mazishi” ama Twitter wadai “Dem aliangukiwa na MTI akakufa”…
Nikavaa boxer na short mbio mbio, then nikatoka mbio nikakumbuka dem pia ako uchi, nikarudi kujaribu kumvalisha panty but ilikuwa kama kualika msee wa SDA kula pork, alikuwa anatupa tupa miguu!
Nikatoka nje kuita jirani, uzuri nilipata jamaa flani na bibi yake wanasindikishana choo hiyo usiku, wakaamua kuja kuona ni nini mbaya…
Ku access situation huyo jama akasema nibebe dem nimpeleke nje apate fresh air, nikachangamka mbio, then akadai hata mimi ilikuwa imebaki kidogo nianze ku suffocate kama huyo dem.. ni jiko ilifanya! Akabeba jiko akatupa nje...
Dem akaamka twenty minutes later anajipata ako na shuka na ako nje, tukachangamka tukampea maziwa arudishe nguvu… mechi tuka postpone due to unfavorable conditions! Jiko si mwenzako!!!
Yaani karibu jiko auliwe na jiko mwenzake?!! Enyewe ukistaajabu ya Messi hujayaona ya Cristiano… unaeza kula ushibe uamue kulala uamke kesho yake upate ulidedi juu ulisahau kuzima jiko!!!
If you support the art of storytelling, poetry, wordplay, creative writing then you need to get yourself a #TearsOfThePen E-book by @quiqarre. The papers don& #39;t lie 
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