Things BTS managers have said at some point, probably: a thread

Manager (M): jimin no
JM: :(
M:
JM: :(((
M: .. fuck fine

M: stop playing overwatch you gotta get up at 4am tomorrow
JK: can I open my loot boxes first
M:
JK: :(
M:
M: just opening them, and then you sleep
JK: ok thanks
JK:
JK: .. why are you still here
M: ... I wanna see what you got..

SJ: we're out of eggs
M: check the chiller
SJ:
M:
SJ: you think kiwis are eggs that have grown fur one (1) time and people never let you forget—
M: lmao

TH: I need this tie
M: you really don't
TH: :(
M: you have 76 at home
TH: but :((
M: you. have. 76. at. home.
TH: but it's purple... ARMY :( is :( purple.. :(
M:
TH:
M, visibly upset with himself, giving TH's wallet back to him: damn it tae this is how you got the 76 fucking ti—

NJ, putting on his 100th pair of new sunglasses:
M, traumatized by the memes and stressed out:
NJ:
M: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

M: I am so tired. I want to sleep and never wake up
HS: good! morning!! hyung!!! it's a great day to be alive!!!!
M:
HS:
M: it's! a!! great!!! day!!!! to!!!!! be!!!!!! alive!!!!!!!

JM: hyung!!!!! gimme a hug :)
YG, flustered because there are other people in the room: no im busy go play with tae
JM, leaving: :((
M, whispering acidly in YG's ear: why have you done this
YG, looking down at his lap sadly: i am a monster

SJ: damn it..
M: ?? what
SJ: yoongi must have eaten all of my snacks again, i can't find them
M:
M, shaking his head, hiding the last of SJ's snacks behind his back, his voice muffled by the food still in his mouth: damn, you really have to watch that one all the time, huh??

NJ: Ive been thinking a lot lately..
M, concerned: oh.. do you wanna talk about it??
NJ: no.. its ok, it's dumb..
M: Namjoon, anything that bothers you isn't dumb.. You know you can always tell me whats on your mind
NJ, blurting: is french kissing just called kissing in france
M:

JK: so listen :) it's summertime and—
M, pinching the bridge of his nose: kook, for the last time, we are not filming a watermelon challenge unless you're cleaning up yourself. the other managers and I have better things to do other than scrubbing fruit out of the parquet
JK: :(

M: wheres yoongi
All of BTS except for JM: dunno
M, calmly turning to JM:
JM: ?
M: wheres yoongi
JM: I dunno either
M, immediately panicking:

M1: I call zedd
M2: kehlani
-later, in america-
NJ: we'd love to collab with zedd!!
JM: zedd!!
HS: YAEH ZEDD
SJ: zedd
TH: ZEDD
JK: Zedd!!
YG: maybe.. zedd?
M1, in the background, holding out his hand: pay up bitch
M2, grumbling, handing M1 30,000 won:

M3: you know the kids are international kpop superstars.. shouldnt we be giving them better prizes by now
M1, scoffing and collecting 20 vouchers for panda express over the counter: you must be new, kid. we could use 10 of these and they'd still fall over for the other 10

M: tae, what type of collar do you want
TH, dropping a plate and gasping:
M: ?
TH, averting his gaze: i-im not into that type of play..
M, palming his face: FOR YEONTAN, TAE. YOU JUST TOLD ME HE CHEWED THROUGH THE LAST ONE
TH: oH
M:
M: .. also you dont clear your internet history

SJ, sighing over a beer: sometimes i wonder if the kids are growing up too fast
M: ..jin, you're only 4 years older than jungkook. you're 1 year older than yoon—
SJ, louder: sOMETIMES, I WONDER IF—

M1: i miss the good old days
M2: me too
M1:
M2:
Both: /war flashbacks to when BTS were underappreciated, ill-treated and harassed as sideacts for other groups, when they were constantly shat upon just for trying to follow their dreams/
M1: .. nop changed my mind
M2: yaeh me too

M:
BTS, in the same room, laughing and smiling, happily and comfortably joking around with one another:
M: ... :)

YG, paying for a new drill bit that costs 15,000 won: man, these things have gotten really expensive..
M, trying to reign it in:
YG: gotta find a cheaper place to get this stuff. there's a dollar store close by—
M, exploding with frustration: DAMN IT YOONGI YOU ARE RICH

YG, drunk: what does it take to be a good man?? Do I have to be nice?? funny?
M: those are 2 good qualities, yes
YG: what else do I need
M:
YG: .. chloroform??
M: nO YOONGI THAT IS NOT A GOOD QUALITY

JK: what's boku no pico
M, sputtering: wHA— WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT
JK: the 98 liner gc
TH, snickering: it's a comedy kook you should watch it
JK: oh
JK: is it on crunchyroll
M: JUNGKOOK NO—

HS: guys did you know our fans think someone at bighit likes bOnDaGe?? lol
NJ: isn't there lol
TH: there probably is lol
M: there probably isn't but we can't exactly tell them it's you idiots can we

JM: I'm sad..
M, waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, hyperventilating: something is not right, I must go

NJ: hyung do you follow this blog called justshowerthoughts haha some of the posts are funny and weird
M, thinking: namjoon, you are the literal embodiment of thoughts people have in the shower
M, speaking aloud: no I don't have tumblr

M, watching BTS smile as they receive yet another award on stage for their amazing music, listening to ARMYs cheering:
RM: ARMYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M: ... :')

JM & TH, bickering loudly:
M, passes by, immediately tries to leave without being seen:
TH: HYUNG
JM: HYUNG, COME HERE FOR A SECOND—
M, thinking: shit

M: everything is meaningless
HS, smiling dreamily at the sky: wouldn't it be cool if we could eat all the clouds?? bet they'd taste nice and sweet :>
M:
M: .. yeah they would wouldn't they

BTS, watching UP with their managers:
JK, in awe: it's be cool to live in a house like that..
BTS: :)
M2: that's unsustainable jungkook
NJ: NO IT COULD HAPPEN
TH @ JK: KOOK, HYUNG WILL BUILD YOU A HOUSE EXACTLY LIKE THAT
JK: no—
M1, sighing tiredly: why do movie nights always—

M: there are only 7 puppies here?
Buzzfeed Interviewer: yup
M: and you need them all back
B/INT: of course..
M: ok
-later-
M, holding out his hand to each member: alright, cough em up
BTS, upset as they pass by the exit in a line, each retrieving a puppy from under their jackets:

TH:
M:
TH: im not saying I like the guy, but do you ever think about how hitler feels, being hated so much??
M:
M: no
TH: oh.
TH: why not??
M: he's dead
TH: ah, ok
M:
TH:
M: he was also a fucking asshole
TH: mm true dat

SJ: so this bitch—
M: for the last time, jin, you need to stop calling your members bitch..
SJ:
M: .. without clarifying who it is. There are fucking 7 of you, how the hell am I supposed to know—

NJ: lmao hyung Yoongi's depressed, he got locked out of his studio again
M, groaning, getting up to pluck YG off the floor and break into Genius Lab: im gonna make that boy set his damn birthday as the number at this rate

JM, popping by in new clothes: hey hyung!!! :> do I look boyfriend in this??
M: do you look.. what
JM: boyfriend!!
M, looking at JM over the rims of his spectacles: as in.. would I.. a straight man.. want to be your boyfriend..???
JM:
JM: yeah :>
M:
M: .. yes

YG, sad, holing up in his studio:
M:
M, standing outside the door with lamb skewers and coffee: Yoongi?
YG:
M: I know you wanna be alone. I'm gonna leave some things here. Text the other members, ok? They're worried
YG:
M, quietly leaving:
YG, feeling a little bit better:

NJ, sad, by Han River:
M, sitting down next to him:
NJ: .. why are some people so mean to us hyung
M:
M: I don't know joon.
NJ: maybe its on me. I'm the leader, I should be doing better
M:
NJ, leaning his head on M's shoulder and crying:
M, letting him: it's not on you. I'm here.

JM, sitting tiredly in the studio after solo practice:
M:
JM, hanging his head and leaning against the mirror: it's not good enough, hyung..
M:
M, giving him a bottle of water:
JM, looking up:
M: you're good enough, Jimin.
JM:
M: I'll believe it for the both of us, till you do.

JK, stressed, in Golden Closet for 72 hours straight: Magic Shop has to be perfect, hyung
M:
JK, crying: what if it's bad? What if the members don't like it, or—
M: they'll like it, Jungkook.
JK:
M: your hyungs haven't heard a single beat, but I already know they're proud of you.

TH, sad, locked in his room:
M: tae.. I know you're upset. Even if it isn't me, I hope you talk to the members.
TH:
M: I know you don't really like being alone, even if you don't want to talk. We can just sit quietly—
TH, opening the door for a hug:
M, smiling and giving him one:

SJ, sad, on the balcony with a beer:
M, joining him, cracking open a can:
SJ:
SJ: it's so hard hyung
M:
SJ: being the eldest, being the mature one, or forcing myself to be the immature one; I'm so tired
M:
M, letting SJ rant, silently listening, one hand squeezing SJ's shoulder:

HS, sad, laying on his bed:
M, sitting next to him:
HS: do you think I'm always a happy person hyung
M:
HS: some people do. I'm not happy now though
M:
HS: isn't it weird
M: no.
HS, crying:
M, laying down next to HS: you can feel however you feel. It's ok. We're only human, Seok.

M: Seokjin, can you turn on the lights?
SJ: I don't have to. I'm the only light you need in your life
M: seokjin. I can't see

BTS, sitting in the car, singing ridiculously loudly to the radio:
M, turning up the volume to make them happy: I hate literally all of you

BTS, at yet another interview in USA:
M, at a distance, thinking: pls. anything but that..
INT: so, anyone you're excited to see while you're here? Which western artists inspired your music? if you had to collab w—
BTS:
M, under his breath: fuck this fucking star-spangled country

BTS, at yet another interview in America:
M, at a distance, thinking: pls.. anything but that..
INT: so
BTS:
INT wHAT ABOUT THOSE DANK MEMES EH???
BTS: !!!!!!!!
M, pleasantly surprised: huh

(Callback to this other crackhead thread I did, check it out if memes are ya thing) https://twitter.com/pbk_twt/status/999186710054424576

M, sneaking into Mon Studio:
M, finding the toy NJ accidentally broke during his V live:
M, fixing it up real slow and careful:
M, putting it back on the shelf:
M, quietly: good as new
M: ... :)

JK: JIMIN-SSI JIMIN-SSI, JIMIN-SII
JM: STOP THAT, JUST CALL ME HYUNG
JK: JIMIN-SII—
M, breaking up the fight: sTOP MAKING A RUCKUS
-5 mins later-
BTS:
M:
TH: hEY HOW MANY MOCHI DO YOU THINK I CAN FIT INTO MY MOU—
M: CAN WE HAVE PEACE FOR 10 MINUTES IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK

SJ, playing mario cart:
M, playing with him:
SJ:
M, using a spiny shell:
SJ: hOW DARE YOU STOOP SO LOW
M: ITS A LEGIT TACTIC JIN WTF—

TH: what did gladiators do back then if they had to poop in the middle of a fight
M:
JK: omg hyung obviously they just went don't be stupid
M: wait, in the first place, why—

YG: GOD DAMN IT NAMJOON—
NJ: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT—
M, sighing, going to get the toolbox:

JM: how do you pick up a girl
M: waht
JK: omg hyung
JM:
M:
JK: bridal style, obviously
M: no wait—

M, brushing his teeth in the morning:
TH on JK's back, screaming about boku no hero academia as they pass by right outside the toilet:
M:
M, unbothered, used to this shit, continuing to gargle:

SJ: shout out to the people wondering what the opposite of in is
BTS:
M:
YG, getting up, visibly livid, reaching to strangle SJ: YoU fuCKING—
M: YOONGI NO—
JM, wheezing:

NJ: yknow guys we share 50-60% of our DNA with a banana
M:
SJ: thats nice namjoon
YG: wait are you telling me some people are 10% more banana than others
NJ: well. yes
YG: it's hobi
M:
M: explain
YG: good vitamins, makes ya feel.. good
M:
M: I'll let you have that one
HS: :D!!!!!

SJ: seductively, eyes half-lidded: you're so hot..
M: jin just take your lasagna out of the fucking microwave and go

M, chilling with JM in his room:
JM, hugging a stuffed toy, noticing there's fur in the toy's eyes and fixes it:
JM, whispering: you can See
M:
M, fists clenched, a single tear rolling down his cheek:

M, sitting on a sofa next to TH, laptop on his lap:
TH: hyung can you be my lap pillow :(
M:
M: your waht
TH: can i put my head on your thighs and nap
M: no im working
TH: :(
-later-
M, with TH napping on his lap, holding up his laptop with one hand and typing with the other: fuc

JK: whats NSFW
SJ, not even looking up from his phone, immediately and without hesitation: no spaghetti for wario
M, staring at SJ:
JK:
M, turning to JK: what he said

JM: hyung can you paint my nails
M, not even looking up from his laptop: did you ask yoongi
JM: ??? why would I
M, snorting internally: just go ask yoongi
-later that night-
YG, looking relaxed and at peace with the world: thanks hyung
M:
M: welcome

[grocery shopping]

TH, tripping: oW
YG: lmao did you just slip on flat ground
TH: hyUNG D: my slipper broke!!!! :'(((
M: oh
M, turning to JK: well, kook, you're up
JK: wHY
-later-
TH, getting a piggyback ride from JK: :>
M: okay next, the meat section
JK: I hate this family

YG with a fever, tucked in bed and sleeping:
The other members sprawled around the room, sleeping:
M2:
M1:
M2: so we were in here all day because the boys insisted on staying with yoongi
M1: yup
M2: we're all gonna have the plague tomorrow aren't we
M1, already sniffling: yup

M, stocking the fridge:
JK, peeking around the corner:
M:
JK:
M, finishes up, leaves:
JK, running over to the fridge and finding one pack of banana milk in the chiller because M knows he's gonna snatch it up the second he leaves the kitchen:
JK: :DDD!!!!!!!!!!!

[filming RUN]

M2, pointing at JM: there, right there
M1: yeah for sure
M2: how many times does that make it now
M1: 42
M3, joining them: what are you guys doing
M1: counting how many times the production team is going to add in a squeaky noise for jimin this episode
M3:
M3: wow

NJ, reading DEMIAN:
M: aren't you sick of that book?? you read it so much a few years ago
NJ, flipping a page: its where it all began for us hyung
M:
M, sitting down next to him: lets see it
NJ, grinning, putting the book between them:

M, texting a girl on a dating app:
BTS, hovering around him:
M:
M: .. what
NJ: hyung use an emoji
YG: your profile sucks you gotta rewrite it
M: omg leave me alone
BTS: :(
TH: i'll loan you yeontan hyung girls love puppies
M:
M: okay get the dog

NJ: you dont have to go that far jimin
JM, on the ground, shirt stained with grass, squished against a tree trunk, holding up his phone: this'll be the one hyung!!
M:
HS, passing by: what are they doing
M: kim daily

JK, excited: hyung IU released a new single you have to stream it
M: i dont even listen to IU though
JK: :(
-later-
M, plugging his earphones into his laptop, phone and ipad before going to bed, streaming IU on melon, spotify and genius, grumbling: damn it jungkook

TH: YOURE WRONG
JK: NO YOURE WRONG—
M, sighing: whats this now
JM, tiredly: they're fighting over the best team in haikyuu
M:
JM: tae says nekoma, kook says karasuno
TH: HYUNG BACK ME UP
JK: HE WONT
M:
M: youre both wrong it's aoba johsai
SJ, popping his head in the door: CORRECT

NJ: hyung can you help me i burned the kettle
M:
M: what were you doing
NJ: boiling water
M:
NJ:
M: how
NJ, sadly: i forgot i was boiling water and it all evaporated and now the bottom of the kettle is burned
M:
NJ:
M: waow

HS in Hope World, asleep in his chair after working for hours on his mixtape:
M, creeping in:
M:
M: adjusting the aircon:
M, carrying HS to the sofa:
M, laying a blanket over him:
M, turning the lights off:
M, leaving:
M, pausing by the door:
M: night hobi
M: ... :)

FYI https://twitter.com/PBK_twt/status/1001109419453661184

https://twitter.com/PBK_twt/status/1001109422100307968

https://twitter.com/PBK_twt/status/1001109424033820673

M, shaking JK: time to get up, it's 6
JK, waking up with a boner: wHAT WHAT IS IT
M:
JK, looking down at his crotch:
M:
JK, looking up at M:
M:
JK:
JK: this isn't for you
M: I HAD NO DELUSIONS ABOUT THAT IN THE FIRST PLA—

JK, browsing twitter: jeon cena-hyung tagged us in a tweet and said he's in the military
TH: really wow that's cool
NJ:
M:
NJ:
M:
M: are you gonna tell them or—
NJ, visibly elated: nop

Bang PD (BPD): so how are the kids
M, flashing back to the morning when TH and JM were bickering, NJ had an existential crisis, YG couldn't wake up, JK ran out of his fave cologne, SJ got mad because there were no more bacon, HS couldn't find his precious pouch:
M:
M: they're ok

M, on a date, waiting for the girl to turn up:
BTS, all in really conspicuous disguises, tailing M because they're worried about him:
M, sweating nervously about the idea of BTS being recognised:
M:
Girl, turning up: hey!
M, nervously blurting: I'm sorry I'm gay and I have to go

M:
BTS:
M: it's 3am
JM: but we're hungry :(
JK: so hungry :(((
M: go to bed
TH: sO HUNGRY :'((
M: WELL, SLEEP IT OFF™
-15 minutes later-
M, visibly worn out, cooking ramen for 8:
BTS: :DDDDD!!!!!

YG: I miss holly
M: mmm
YG: I wish I could see him..
M:
-7 hours later-
M, busting into Genius Lab, panting, visibly exhausted, min holly cradled in his arm: y-yo
YG:
YG, tearing up: HOW
M, having war flashbacks to YG's mother giving him the Spanish Inquisition:
M: chill it's nbd

TH: yoongi-hyung's like a kitten
M:
M: explain
TH: does everything he's told to, but with attitude
M:
M: ok I'll give you that

TH: kookie's a bunny
M:
M: yup I'll accept that

TH, playing with yeontan: who's a good boy :)))))))))))
M, watching him: you are
TH:
M:
Yeontan (Y):
TH: CORRECT

NJ: hyung did you get the album from the office
M: no
NJ: don't you wanna have a copy? its free
M: what for
NJ: :(
-later that night-
M, ordering all 4 versions of LY:T online, staring at his shelf with every BTS album in order: how are you gonna hit sales with that attitude nams

JM, watching netflix:
M: anything good
JM, beaming, turning the screen in the middle of an episode of little witch academia: taetae told me this anime is good
M:
JM: there's magic!!!
M:
M, clenching his fists, a single tear rolling down his cheek:

HS, on the phone with M: jiminie and I stayed back to practice some more! Yoongi hyung and Joonie are in their studios; the other members are at home
M: ok
-later, dinner time-
M, ordering food on the phone at home: hi I'd like a delivery
M:
M: .. for 4 places. yeah, same time—

M: I already said I'll call a plumber
YG, on his back under the sink, eyes narrowed at a leaky pipe: no that's expensive
M: you're a multi-millionaire—
YG, ignoring M: don't know what the problem is, but I can probably fix it with fire..
M: YOONGI IM CALLING A PLUMBER

[shooting euphoria]

M, watching:
M, approaching JK with a stalk of weeds: kook, use these to annoy yoongi
JK, using the stalk to tickle YG's ear:
YG, flinching: sadjklh >:|
PDs: LMAO
JK: :DDD
YG: ... :)
M:
M: lmao

M, doing a card trick for BTS in a waiting room to entertain them: .. is this your card
SJ: OH MY GOD IT IS
TH: hYUNG YOURE A MAGICIAN
JM: AHHHHHHH
YG: this is fucking sorcery
NJ: iTS sLEIGHT OF HAND
HS, smacking NJ on the hand: you cANT PROVE THAT
JK: HOW DID YOU DO IT
M:
M: :)

JK: hyung am I a weab
M, without hesitation: yes
JK: :(
M: why
JK: isnt that lame?? ARMY wont like it..
M:
M: kook, you like whatever the fuck you like. ARMY will love you anyway
JK: .. :)
M: also, weabs are practically cousins to kpop fans, you'll be fine
JK: :))))))))!!!!!

M, walking in on YG watching porn:
YG, throwing his phone out the window: fCUK
M:
YG:
M:
YG:
M:
YG:
M:
YG: this isn't what it looks like
M:
M: it's completely normal yoongi
YG:
M:
YG:
M, backing slowly out of the room: i'll just .. go get you a new phone now
YG:
M: bye
YG:
M:

M, at home, on twitter, seeing an anti-BTS hashtag trending:
M, calling NJ:
NJ: hey hyung..
M: get the boys i'm coming over
NJ: ..what
M: it's tuesday nams, its all-you-can-eat samgyeopsal day
NJ: since when did we—
M, hanging up: i'll be there in 15
NJ, hanging up:
NJ:
NJ: .. :)

SJ: converting the numbers 51, 6 and 500 to roman numerals makes me LIVID
NJ:
TH:
JK:
JM:
HS:
M:
YG, packing his bags:

M, watching TV at home:
M, a Masked Singer fan, seeing that a new episode is running at the same time as a BTS variety episode rerun on another channel:
M:
M, tuning in to the BTS episode to up the ratings, grumbling: god damn it..

M:
JK, coming home after a long day at Golden Closet, flopping on the sofa next to M:
M:
JK, scooches closer:
M:
JK, putting his head under M's shirt and whining:
M:
M: I still don't understand why you do this
JK: s'warm.. m'tired
M:
M, patting JK's head through his shirt:

JM: the air con is too cold :(
NJ: no it isn't
TH: i still feel warm af :///
HS: jiminie gets cold too easily
M:
M: no one else has a problem. go sit next to yoongi he's a tiny furnace
YG:
JM, sitting next to YG:
YG: .. :)
M:
M: .. :)

NJ: I tried to borrow this book that I want to read from the library but they don't have it :(
M: get it on amazon
NJ: but..
M: why are you borrowing books from the library in the first place
NJ: its free..
M:
M: nams, I don't mean to be rude but what is wrong with you and yoongi

TH, one random day in 2013, completely apropos of nothing: I kind of like jellyfish, they're squiggly and cute
M: hmm
M, to this very day, being tempted to buy something jellyfish-themed every time he comes across it: taehyung would like this..

M, going over to BTS' house and opening the door: hey kids I brought over some more groceries—
BTS with little party poppers, making a mess of the living room as they flip the lights on and bring a cake with a lit candle to M: HAPPY BIRTHDAY HYUNG
M:
M: .. :')

M, looking at old pictures of BTS on their twitter page:
M:
M, a single tear sliding down his cheek:

M:
JM:
M:
JM:
M: jimin, please take the harness off. you've been home for 3 hours

NJ: what's "but namjoon"
M:
M: where did you see that
NJ: its trending, but hoseok stole my phone to see my kim dailies and the rest of the members wont let me borrow theirs
M:
HS, adding 'but namjoon' to NJ's muted list: >:(
M, turning to NJ: it doesn't matter. let's go buy boba

M, at home alone, scrolling through BTS' official twitter feed and liking every single post dating back to pre-debut says:
M:
M, quoting every tweet and adding #2018BTSFESTA to every post: i really need a life away from these idiots..
M, looking at BTS' follower count:
M: ... :)

TH, first to wake up, shaking the rest of BTS: get up :'(((
BTS: ok but only if you do the dishes
-later-
M, walking into the kitchen, noticing that TH is not only up, but also doing chores:
TH:
M, backing out of the kitchen and coming back in:
TH:
M, whispering: what the fu—

HS, spraining his finger in the middle of dance practice:
M1, standing off the sidelines, watching a medic tend to HS with clenched fists:
-later-
M2, finding M1 on the roof:
M1, smoking:
M2:
M2: it never gets easier, huh? watching them get hurt
M1:
M1: no. It doesn't.

NJ, inside Mon Studio, recording a V Live:
M, outside, holding JM back from opening the door with all his strength: jiMIN STOP IT—

JK: technically, bunnies COULD be living on the other side of the moon
M:
JK: I mean, the astronauts weren't everywhere at one right? maybe the rabbits ran to the other side
M, an educated man of science, knowing full well that it isn't true:
M: i mean you're not wrong
JK: :DDD!!

YG with dark circles under his eyes: hey hyung
M, watching him pass by to enter Genius Lab:
-later-
YG, approaching M: hyung, did the members bring health drinks to my studio? they weren't there before I stepped out for lunch
M:
M: yeah, im sure they were worried. drink them well

M, getting a call at 4am, picking up: fu— y-yea??
SJ, panicking and crying: hyung, odengie is throwing up and it looks bad I don't know what to do, please help—
M, already grabbing his shirt and running out the house: I'll call the 24 hour vet and pick you up in 10, be downstairs

[filming I Need U]

M1, slamming JK against the shutters:
M2, glaring at JK:
JK, smacking M1's arm away, glaring at him:
PD: ok, CUT
JK: lmao
M1: DONT 'lmao' US THAT WAS LOUD. IS YOUR SHOULDER OKAY
M2: KOOK WE DIDNT MEAN TO HURT YOU
JK: im fine OJO
PD:
PD: we'll end here today...

[back when HS has to hold a snake]

HS, screaming:
BTS: LMAAAOOOO
M:
-later-
M: ok everyone lets go
HS: I never wanna do that again :'((
M, ushering them away from the enclosure:
M:
M, turning to look at the snake over his shoulder:
M, glaring at the snake and grumbling: >:(

[at a fansign]

TH, playing with fans' feelings by putting on and taking off a hat:
Fanboy (FB) from the back: TAEHYUNG-AH
TH: O_O
TH, obediently and apologetically putting the hat back on in slow motion:
M, backstage, laughing his fucking ass off:

[at a fansign]

Fangirl (FG): jimin! it's naughty!!!
JM, looking down at his shirt and realizing too many buttons are undone:
JM: wHERE ARE YOU LOOKING
Fans: SJAHDG
M:
-later that night-
M, stitching the shirt up:
JM: hyung, that's excessive..
M: it'll be a nice sweater, jimin

[at a fansign]

HS, receiving the SUPREME gun that shoots money: WAOW THIS IS GR9
M, at the same time, palming his face: oh no this is a disaster

[at a fansign]

FG, being cute: I'LL SUE MIN YOONGI BECAUSE HE MAKES ME SUFFER
YG:
M2, backstage, deadpan: dont. he didn't have the money back then, but he has the money to bury your case now
M1, backstage:
M1, backstage: can you please, for 5 seconds, stop being a buzzkill

[after a fansign]

JM, having kept a cat hairband: hyung c'mere!!!
M:
M, goes over:
JM, putting the cat hairband onto M's head: !!!!!!!! uwu
M:
M: jimin wh
JM: CUTE
M:
JM: you know what to do
M:
M, visibly exhausted, sighing:
M, painstakingly putting up a two peace signs: oowoo.

[after a fansign]

YG, turning to M: today, a fan told me her mixtape saved her life
M:
M: your music is special yoongi
YG:
M: BTS' music too. RM's too, and JHope's too.
YG:
M: all of the members will have their own projects someday. it'll be good.
YG:
M: you're all saving lives.

[filming I Need U]

PD: okay boys you all have to act like gangsters. its ok if you play it up a bit
BTS: OWO
PD: and.. action
TH, aggressively sucking a lollipop:
HS, screaming at the top of his lungs:
YG, squatting down on the ground:
M:
M: these kids are hopeless seriously

M, entering the waiting room:
TH, JM & JK freezing, their hands all on the table with their asses up in the air:
M:
M: whats going on
TH: twerking competitio—
M, leaving the room:

[BTS Home Party practice]

M, watching SOPE practice for their duet:
M: .. :'))

NJ: sailor moon is an institution
M:
M: explain
NJ, rambling: It had girls being actual human beings instead of sexualized dolls, and it never reduced any of the Sailors down to one stereotype like, ‘tomboy,’ or, ‘likes baking.' Internalized misogyny is a real proble—
M:
M: .. :)

M1, looking over M3's shoulder: is that fanart
M3, shrieking and throwing his phone in the air:
M2, catching it: oh its namjin
M3: GIVE IT BACK
M1: so its namjin for you huh
M3: HYUNG
NJ, walking in: what's going o—
M2, panicking, throwing the phone out the window:
M3, screaming:

M, getting ready for bed:
M, randomly thinking about 'strong power thank you':
M:
M, snickering hysterically:

JK, dabbing in front of M for the first time:
M:
M: what is that
JK: DABBING!!
M: looks ridiculous
JK: IT'S FROM THE US HYUNG ITS COOL!! OJO
M:
M: ok
M: just dont let it become a habit
-2 years later-
JK, dabbing very purposefully at M:
M:
M, sighing very loudly, dabbing back:

M, at home over the holidays:
M's mother: hows the jjigae!!
M, deadpan: it's k-kaepjjang
M's entire family:
M:
M, under his breath: god fucking damn it, yoongi

BTS & M, having chinese takeout:
NJ, getting up: ok guys sleep early we have a meeting with Bang PD in the morning
NJ, grabbing a fortune cookie and stuffing it entirely into his mouth as he leaves:
M, running after him: NAMJOON NOT AGAIN
YG: seriously how is that guy alive

[BTS on the vogue party bus]

BTS, getting up and dancing to their own music: :DDDDD!!!!!!
M, watching them: :)
NJ & YG, wrapping their whole hands around the pole:
M: NAMJOON, YOONGI NO—

[movie night]

M2, bringing in popcorn: what are we watching today
M1, snorting: what about 'faker'
BTS: LMAAAAOOO
YG:
YG: Im never speaking english again

BTS, being instructed to hug or kiss as a punishment on variety shows: EYeyuGHG
M:
-at the dorm-
JM: jungkook cmere :(
JK, going over: :(
NJ: whats this
JM: kookie's sad
SJ: whos sad
YG: kook
HS: o no :(
TH, piling on top: :(
BTS: in a puppy pile, hugging:
JK: .. :')
M:
M: ... :)

M, shopping for groceries:
M, passing by a musical instruments store and seeing a display recorders:
M, remembering that one (1) time HS played the recorder with his nose:
M:
M, snorting out loud:

M, having a shitty day:
M, meeting eyes with SJ across the room:
SJ:
SJ, giving M a passionate hand kiss:
M:
M:
M, catching it and eating it:
SJ, laughing out loud: !!!!! :D
M:
M, feeling a bit better: .. :)

M1: its the no more dream dance break for me
M2: rly? I like baepsae
M3, joining them: what are you guys talking about? owo
M1: best hoseok dance break
M3, glancing over his shoulder: ooh. aren't all of them good tho?
M1: true
HS, standing behind a pillar, eavesdropping: !!! :'D

M, frowning: ..you should host every variety show in this country
SJ, sitting next to M, bewildered: ?
M: and act
SJ: ???
M: your singing is good too tho..
SJ: ?????
M:
M, getting up and leaving, patting SJ on the shoulder: basically, you go ahead and do it all kid
SJ:
SJ: .. :')

M, tidying up Genius Lab while YG's away:
M, noticing YG's Soft Blanket candle is almost down to nothing:
M:
-later-
M, at home, on the Yankee Candle site:
M:
M, going to a wholesale site instead, ordering the candles in bulk:

M, at home:
M, watching the video TH posted on twitter with his lip ring:
M:
M, scrambling to call TH:
TH: hello—
M: dID YOU JUST FUCKING EAT THE—

JK, staring at his microphone: ojo
M:
JK, putting the microphone into his mouth: OJO
M, sighing, pulling it out of JK's mouth: dont do that kook

JK, eating a popsicle: ojo
M:
JK, pulling out a piece of plastic with his tongue: OJO
M, sighing, taking it out of JK's mouth: do something about your oral fixation seriously

[at ISAC]

NJ: remember, we're having a comeback soon :) the important thing is that no one gets injured :)) we're all here to have fun :))) ok??
JK: tH—
M, smacking a hand over JK's mouth:
The rest of BTS, leaving the room:
M:
M, releasing JK:
JK: —ERE'S NO SUCH THING AS FUN

[at ISAC, Men's 400m Relay Race]

JM, running, 2nd place:
HS, running, 2nd place:
YG, running, 2nd place:
JK, RUNNING, HELL BENT ON 1ST PLACE, THINKING: BITCH U FUCKIN THOUGHT—
M, using a loudhailer: JUNGKOOK STOP CUSSING IN YOUR HEAD, I CAN HEAR YOU

[at ISAC, archery event]

YG, aiming:
YG, scoring 0:
YG, yelling at no one in particular: aHH, THAT WAS A GOOD PRACTICE ROUND
M:
M, texting YG: 'yoongi, this isn't RUN BTS'
YG, checking his phone: >:(
M: 'basically, you can't cheat like that. stop embarrassing yourself'
YG: .. :(

[at ISAC, Men's 400m Relay Race]

JK, finishing first, slicing through the line with his baton like a sword: :DDD!!!!!!!
M, sighing fondly from up in the stands: I told him not to fucking do that..
BTS, screaming and jumping on JK: AAAAHHH
JK: DJSJKJDJDS HYUNG STOP—
M:
M: .. :)

[at ISAC, after the Men's 400m Relay Race]

YG, laying on the ground and pretending to hyperventilate:
BTS, ignoring him:
YG, sulking and pouting and getting up:
M:
-5 mins later-
YG, doing exactly the same thing:
M, watching from up in the stands, snorting: hes so obvious jfc

[in USA]

INT: so what about girls
NJ, panicking: wE WANT TO FOCUS. ON OUR. CAREERS
BTS: ʷᵉ ʷᵃnᵗ ᵗᵒ ᶠᵒᶜᵘˢ ᵒn ᵒᵘʳ ᶜaʳᵉᵉʳˢ ʸᵉᵃ ᵒᵘʳ ᶜᵃʳᵉeᵉʳˢ ʸᵃᵉʰ
M1, backstage, snorting his tea trying not to laugh:
M3, next to M1, shrieking quietly: hYUNG!! THATS DISGUSTIN—

[BTS on stage, performing Fire]

YG, adlibbing with moans:
TH, switching up the bOw WoW wOw:
NJ, sweating BULLETS:
JK, looking mad but also HOT™:
JM, slut dropping with bedroom eyes:
HS, smirking hard into the camera:
SJ, JUST BEING KIM SEOKJIN:
M, backstage:
M: what a handful

TH, holding up a brochure: hyung..
M: no
JK: :'( but hyung..
M: NO.
-3 days later, at the Anime Festival of Asia-
TH, disguised as kaneki ken with the mask: :DDD!!!
JK, disguised as male!kirishima touka with the mask: :DDD!!!
M, disguised as tsukiyama shuu with the mask, sighing:

M:
NJ: 5 years guys
BTS:
M:
NJ:
NJ: 5 years
BTS:
M:
NJ, tearing up: can you believe that? 5 years..
BTS, crying:
M:
M: many more.
NJ, looking at M:
BTS, looking at M:
M:
M, raising his glass: many more years to come.
BTS, raising their glasses:
M: ... you guys are really amazing.

NJ, walking past M, shouting: GUYS AOKI HYUNG SAYS HE'LL COME FOR DINNER
M:
JM, screaming from his room: BUT WHAT DO I WEAR
JK, screaming from his room: NO ONE CARES ITS JUST AOKI HYUNG
M, remembering the boys used to share a single room, all alone with no idol friends:
M: .. :)

SJ, on his phone:
M:
M, sitting down next to him: whatre you doing
SJ: watching people react to our MVs
M:
M: .. why
SJ: it's fun
M:
SJ:
SJ: the goal is to make them cry
M:
M: jin you cant just say things like that—

M: no
YG, crossing his arms: >:(
M: seriously. i wouldnt say anything but ive specifically been told to tell you not to do this
YG: >:(
NJ, passing by: ?? What—
M: he wants to wear all black to the airport again
NJ: hyung that's the 3rd time this week
YG, arms still folded: >:(((

M, shouting up the stairs: JUNGKOOK DO THE DAMN LAUNDRY ITS BEEN DAYS
JK, screaming back: YOURE NOT MY MOM YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO
TH, yelling from his room: HE SORT OF IS THOUGH
JM, yelling from his room: HES JUST DOING HIS JOB KOOK
M:
M: YEAH, DO WHAT YOUR MOTHER TELLS YOU—

M, cleaning JM's room, sighing as he puts away 382492318 BT21 plushies:

JK: :'((
M:
M: what happened
JK: i got kicked out of my guild.. i was too inactive
M: is there a rule about how often you have to be online?
JK: no.. but because of the comeback, I couldn't play for a long time..
M:
M, getting up: come on. hyung will buy you ice cream
JK:
JK: :')

SJ & M, cooking:
SJ: what do you call a fake noodle
M:
M: jin..
SJ: aN IMPASTA
M:
M, brandishing a ladle: I'll finish up the fucking spag on my own, get OUT OF THIS KITCHEN—

M, frowning at his Tinder account: i seriously need to get a girlfriend
NJ, beside him, blinking: then go?
M, narrowing his eyes at NJ: why do you think I cant
NJ: I dont—
SJ, throwing cheetos across the living room at JK:
TH & JM, screaming for no reason:
NJ:
NJ, tiredly: I see

YG: a long time ago i wanted to get tattoos
M:
M: so go? its your choice
YG, mumbling shyly: I know that now. Nams told me that too, but.. if I wanna do charity work in the future, it wont look good. And I wanna do charity stuff, so..
M:
M, patting YG's head: .. :)
YG:
YG: :)

M, remembering TH giving the camera bedroom eyes and body rolls:
M, staring at TH across the table as he chokes on a chicken nugget and screams, getting ketchup and chilli all over himself:
M:
M, getting up with a sigh to find tissues: the duality of these fucking kids..

[Filming Daydream MV]

JH: i kinda miss the other guys.. :// is that weird?
M:
M: no
-later, coming one by one-
NJ & SJ: We heard you had a break
TH: HYUNG I WANNA CAMEO
YG: i was just passing..
JK, filming HS: OJO!!!
JM: I bought your birthday present!!
HS: YOU GUYS :'D
M:
M: :)

[When TH was shooting Hwarang]

M, picking up TH:
TH: .. :(
M:
M: whats wrong
TH: .. i'm just.. really tired..
M:
TH: .. since our schedule is packed, sometimes I worry about whether I can do well.. both for BTS and for the drama..
M:
M: youre doing well, tae.
TH:
TH: .. :')))

M, taking a nap on the sofa:
JM, lifting M's arm and cuddling for a nap:
TH, flopping on top of M for a nap:
JK, spooning M for a nap:
M, waking up:
M:
M, sighing:
M: .. :)

JK: happy father's day
M:
M: jungkook, I don't even have a girlfriend—
YG, from behind M: thanks kook

NJ: hyung I'm going for a walk do you wanna come
M, thinking about how long NJ's walks are, how tired he is and how soft the sofa he's laying on feels:
M, remembering how happily NJ giggles watching M mimic JM taking Kim Dailies when he snaps pics of NJ at night:
M:
M: I'll come

M, meeting up with a friend who's a Manager at SM for lunch:
SMM, sighing:
M:
M: what's up
SMM: my boys keep sneaking out.. since they're not rookies anymore, Dispatch is a pain
M:
SMM: don't you get worried about your kids? it'll be big news if it's BTS
M, confused:
M: no never

[in the car]

BTS:
M:
BTS:
M:
YG: im bored
NJ: hyung play the of course game with me
JM: I'll play too!
TH: me tooooo uwu~~
YG: loser has to go skydiving, bungee jumping and take 5 rollercoasters before the next comeback
TH, NJ & JM: DEAL
M: nO—

[in the car]

BTS:
M:
BTS:
M:
HS: LETS PLAY A GAME
SJ: ROCK PAPER SCISSORS
JK: THE LOSER HAS TO HIKE UP KOTA KINABALU
M: WILL YOU IDIOTS FUCKING STOP—