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i had a really really depressing time years ago, a big change in my life was happening then, and i felt like my world was falling apart. from then on, i can& #39;t stop thinking. i think about what will happen in the future faraway, about my eventual death, about
all the people i will eventually lose, and also about where I& #39;ll go after this life ends. i was so scared i couldn& #39;t sleep. every night i wrap myself into a blanket and think about all my fears. i was so scared to tell other people because they& #39;ll think im weird.
why the hell is a kid this young thinking about these? theyll say. i had to bottle it all in, i didnt have bts to help me cope then, and my peers were too buzy enjoying their happy carefree life of a kid. i had nothing. i could only cry alone in the middle of the night.
then a really dark thought formed.. that& #39;s really fucked up so im not gonna say what i was thinking. i knew i wasnt going to do it but the fear of doing it really got to me.. i couldn& #39;t even hold my emotions in in class and started to cry. it was embarrassing
so anyway if you got to this part, the point of this thread is that i want to live my life like seokjin, i don& #39;t want to worry and think about future, i want to live in the present. this is exactly what a person told me a few years ago when i finally opened up to one of them.
years later im starting to not think about the future, but im also ignoring the present, my thoughts became dull, and i feel like im getting dumber and dumber everyday. i really dont know a way to solve this. my brain is like a switch, if i switch it on i start to think too much
if i switch it off i dont think at all, there& #39;s no in betweens. i really envy people like seokjin who can live their life like this, focusing on the present. im still very young so maybe i dont understand anything at all but i really want to understand.
to be honest I don& #39;t even know what i want to understand.. what& #39;s the purpose of life anyway? do we just study and get a job and build a family and grow old and die? do we go to different worlds after our life? why do we even exist??
ok it& #39;s 1am here im so sorry for babbling nonsense, this whole thread probably makes zero sense, i just needed to get the incomplete pieces of my thoughts off my brain, sorry for terrorizing your tl goodnight/have a nice day
i will 100% regret writing this when i wake up tmr morning but im going to sleep bye
