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So I kind of want to write an essay about this but I am workshopping here:
I think itâs cruel to say that someone is exceptional.
I think itâs cruel to say that someone is exceptional.
This is at the crux of the âgifted kidâ discourse, the thing I think we have trouble explaining.
Because everyone is exceptional, and no one is. Itâs an impossible standard, and a damaging one.
Because everyone is exceptional, and no one is. Itâs an impossible standard, and a damaging one.
Most philosophies worth their salt arrive at the conclusion that expectation is the root of suffering. To tell someone that they are exceptional, gifted, etc., is to set them up for continuous disappointment in themselves and everyone around them.
If you have the inclination to tell someone that they are exceptional, or great, or wonderfulâI think instead, just boost their stuff. I mean, itâs great to engage in someoneâs work on the meritsâdo that too!
Dig into someoneâs work. Give them concrete feedback, what worked for you and what it made you think about. Tell your friends about it! Buy a friend a copy of the work/subscribe to the creatorâs patreon. Those are great ways to support creatives.
But donât tell them that theyâre âgoing to do great thingsâ or whatever, especially if you donât intend to do the above thing. Because saying that is just, frankly, rude.
A creative can be meritorious, even great, even if they are completely obscure. Just doodling in their notebook, for only their friends to see.
Engage with the work, there and then, before you.
Donât place undue, unrealistic expectations on people.
Engage with the work, there and then, before you.
Donât place undue, unrealistic expectations on people.
A personâs creative or networking success is something they have almost no control over. Itâs a factor of luck and a specific skillset that is out of reach of huge swathes of people.
If you like your friendâs work, talk to them about *the work*. Not about what you think their future might be.
I wish to god that no one had ever told me I was special.
I wish to god that no one had ever told me I was special.
It hurts so badly when you arenât; when you are a person who is not going to be in the cool kids club, and never will be. The problem was not in being excluded from the cool kids club, for me at least. The problem was being told to expect to be there.
Be kind to your creative friends. Boost them materially. Share their work. Buy their work. Celebrate and enjoy their work. But do not make them promises that the world might not deliver on.
