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I saw a tweet that I’m too lazy to find again that said bi women who only date men because “women are perfect and intimidating” are actually dealing with internalized homophobia and boy do I have thoughts.
I mean a) yes, most of us — regardless of our orientations and dating history — are dealing with internalized homophobia to some degree, that’s not news. But also b) maybe women who say that don’t mean it literally?
I think when you are a woman who is attracted to both women and men, and knows exactly how awful men are to women, it is possible to feel a lot of anxiety about coming across to other women the way men come across to you.
That’s certainly a big part of why I have anxiety about hitting on women: this fear that my attentions must necessarily be unwanted, and an extreme desire to avoid being *that guy* who makes women deal with his desires anyway.
I think that feeling is also heightened by the pervasive biphobia in our culture! A lot of bi women don’t feel *good enough* to date lesbians, in part because lesbians tell us to our face that we’re not.
(Interlude: fuck your “gold star” status, it’s just you bragging about your biphobia)
I dunno, I think everyone wants to blame bi women for the fact that many of us default to straight relationships without actually looking at the root cause; because we can benefit from a modicum of straight privilege it’s assumed we are opting into that safety.
But like, shit’s complex!
Also, you can still be bisexual even if you’re attracted to every man on the planet and only *one* woman. Bisexuality isn’t automatically some even split of attraction to all the genders you’re into.
Anyway I own my internalized homophobia but I also don’t think it’s the main thing that’s made it easier for me to date men. I think... a lot of factors are at play.
Also stop psychoanalyzing other people’s dating histories cause honestly it’s nunya
